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Got a little bit of a late start to today’s reading, but man was it powerful. This weekend God showed up in my life. As you all know, I have dealt with lingering anxiety/fear/doubt over the last year that usually bottlenecks before a flight/travel for some reason unknown. Before this weekend I used to calm myself down by reassuring that if it really got bad I could drink some booze and take a xanax and I would be fine. Although I never had to actually do either of those things, the thought helped me calm down and get through the storm. This weekend, that all changed. I didn’t pack my single xanax pill that I have had since January and stepped into my proverbial Jordan River and God showed up. I did not have a single anxious thought on my flight home. Faith to me in my infancy walk with God has been so difficult to grasp. It seems like such an easy thing until the walls are coming down and more often than not when that happens you turn back to self-reliance. However, for the first time I relinquished control and allowed God to be my support. I never thought I would feel the way I do. And it is confusing, exhilarating and frustrating all at the same time because all I want is to have my new path laid before me and to never have a negative thought from the past again. But as MB says faith comes BEFORE the show. So I am going to continue taking small steps of faith everyday and continue to pray bigger dreams for I know that God will show up.

**Sorry if this is poorly written, been working at Starbucks all day.

 

Love,

Ben

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5 thoughts on “Get your feet wet

  1. Hey brother, thanks for being so vulnerable. I feel like there are so many times in my life where because my faith is strong I should not suffer. Not to say that what you were doing the suffering, but anxiety is something that you sometimes feel trapped in. I find comfort in knowing that God is with me, and the fact that you used him to be your comfort versus another substance is a miracle in itself. You have come so far from when you first started struggling with this, and I am so proud of you. There is that saying that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and I found this article a few years back that says the opposite. If God didn’t give us more than we can handle, we wouldn’t need him, but he promises to be with us through the trials. I hope this article gives some help or information or just comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this and other struggles that people have. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/yes-god-will-give-you-more-you-can-handle

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