Got a little bit of a late start to today’s reading, but man was it powerful. This weekend God showed up in my life. As you all know, I have dealt with lingering anxiety/fear/doubt over the last year that usually bottlenecks before a flight/travel for some reason unknown. Before this weekend I used to calm myself down by reassuring that if it really got bad I could drink some booze and take a xanax and I would be fine. Although I never had to actually do either of those things, the thought helped me calm down and get through the storm. This weekend, that all changed. I didn’t pack my single xanax pill that I have had since January and stepped into my proverbial Jordan River and God showed up. I did not have a single anxious thought on my flight home. Faith to me in my infancy walk with God has been so difficult to grasp. It seems like such an easy thing until the walls are coming down and more often than not when that happens you turn back to self-reliance. However, for the first time I relinquished control and allowed God to be my support. I never thought I would feel the way I do. And it is confusing, exhilarating and frustrating all at the same time because all I want is to have my new path laid before me and to never have a negative thought from the past again. But as MB says faith comes BEFORE the show. So I am going to continue taking small steps of faith everyday and continue to pray bigger dreams for I know that God will show up.
**Sorry if this is poorly written, been working at Starbucks all day.
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. – 2 Chron. 4:17-18
Today, God pressed into my soul deeper than He has ever before. With yesterday being the beginning of the challenge, I made up my mind to humble myself before God and to have full faith in Him. It was a terrifying day to die to self pride and no longer feel like I was in control. But today I am stronger and I can only imagine how I will feel in 40 days.
The past year I may have said, thought or even went through the motions of that very simple, but difficult task. All of these attempts were merely idols getting in the way of what God wanted to do. I thought I needed to give myself an ‘out’ just in case God didn’t come through. No longer. I am fully enveloping myself in His glory. Not sure what my walk will look like after 40 days, but I know it will look a whole lot stronger and more aligned with His plan than it is now. It that gives me a great sense of holy anticipation.
This morning we all read that God wants us to get where God wants us to go more than we want to get where God wants us to go. We have to relinquish control and believe that He will get us there and it will look a whole lot prettier than if we tried to do it ourselves. Lets all prayer larger than life prayers, so that when God answers we have no choice but to give him ALL of the glory. I do not think it is a coincidence that we all are facing a time of confusion right now. God wanted it that way so He can show up big time through this prayer challenge and change the trajectory of each and every one of our lives. Although we all find ourselves in different stages of our walk with God, I believe this 40 days will radically alter them for the better